Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Plenty of Crap

So, at the urging of my friend in Md and out of sheer boredom, I decided to place a profile on the free dating website Plenty of Fish.  I put up some cute pictures from my European jaunts this past summer and made a pretty funny introduction as well. 
Amazingly enough, within minutes I had messages in my inbox from guys telling me how beautiful and funny they think I am.  This is WAY different from my previous Match.com debacles! I chose to do Plenty of Fish because number 1: It's free and number 2: It's free.  What I'm finding out from reading a number of men's profiles is that this site is pretty much deemed a cesspool by the men listed there. I think that's pretty damn funny! Who knew there would be deceit and debauchery on the Internet!? 
While I thought I had hit the jackpot with all the interest I had received, I was dumfounded to learn that the majority of the messages started off with: "You're beautiful, or You're sexy, or You're hot" Three sentences starters that are a definite turn off! Those messages get deleted without a second thought. Moving on! I have received messages from guys who are up front about them being married and separated but yet still want to "date". What the hell is that about?!  You are full on married and on a dating site! I can't imagine the tramp that would be down for that. She  certainly is not me. And as for the separated guys...same rules apply. I've sent them on their merry way with well wishes for them to find resolution in their marital situations and made it clear that I was never going to be one to disrespect the instution of marriage unlike them. 
So, I've got this 30 y/o trying to talk to me right now. Yeah, I know 30! What the hell and I thinking? Well, I'm grown, he's grown and we are going to get married or have babies. Where's the harm in having a little fun?  He starts off by telling me that he is a manager of a resort on the North side of town. Already, my red flags go up. GM of a resort at 30? I don't think so.  When I asked him if he studied Hospitality in college he said he'd worked his way up. Yeah right! I was born 41 years ago, not yesterday! People laugh at me when I put the term allegedly in front of EVERYthing anyone's ever told me that I am even slightly skeptical about. But with this guy....oh that phrase comes flying out of my mouth! 
So, I sent him another recent picture of me at his request. No problem, I'm good. I keep it looking right and tight, and I believe in truth in advertising, so I have nothing to worry about.  He on the other hand had sent me a picture that was clearly 3-4 years old (a shirtless one no less) of him holding presumably his child.  I have no problem with the kid, or the tattoos across his chest, but when he said he had a soul patch (don't judge me) and it was missing, I knew something was up. An alleged soul patch that is. :) 
Over the next day we communicated like crazy and he asked me to come and meet him at his job as it was allegedly only him and the housekeeping staff. Really? At a resort in TUCSON? No guests....? Must be a sucky resort if you ask me. Then he was being really short with me. A total departure from the other day, and when I asked him why he was so short he said that he was bummed out because he is working on getting a car. A what? A damn car!? You are on a dating site, trying to holla at me and you don't have a damn car? Oh hell to the naw! I can't be arsed to deal with someone without a damn car! Mr. GM my butt! I clown my daughter daily for dating a 21 y/o without a car. You think I'm gonna deal with this dude! Hell naw! And to top it off, I've gotten the impression that he is FAT! No thank you! I mean I work hard to keep  my body in top shape and if you don't do the same, I just can't be bothered.  I don't expect Mr. Olympia, but damn, a gut? Nope, not for me.
So I didn't hear anything from him at all yesterday and I got the impression that he was coming to the realization that his not having a car was going to be a great hinderance to us hanging out, because if you can't even meet me half way without having to spend three hours on a bus, his not having a car would not work out.  Then, I got a message at 11pm. Him: Hey you.  Me: I ignored it til this morning when I replied: Hey! Have a good day.  Him: You too. Loo (what the hell does loo mean?) Me: Hey! Can I ask you to send me a current picture? No response yet.  The truth will come out soon enough. If he's fat he's got to go. Let's be honest, he doesn't have a car, so he needs to go. Just a matter of semantics really.  He's a goner! Plenty of Fish by butt, the blog title is correct.

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